Trust, Fear, and the Timing of the Chuppah
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When I was 18, in yeshiva, I remember a boy—let’s call him Shlaini—who was about to get married. At that time, three young men from our yeshiva were engaged, but tragedy struck: two of them lost their shidduchim for reasons beyond their control. That left Shlaini as the only one still standing—the last bowling pin.
But Shlaini was convinced he wouldn’t make it to his chuppah. He was consumed with worry, telling me, “I know it’s all going to fall apart. I see what’s happening. It’s all a waste.”
I tried to reason with him. “Shlaini, tell me what you’re worried about. I promise I won’t laugh.”
He hesitated but eventually shared his fears: “What if we get a flat tire on the way to the chuppah? What if a storm hits? What if there’s a terrorist attack, a blackout, a hurricane?”
I laughed, but he insisted: “No, you don’t understand. These are real possibilities!”
It turned out Shlaini was experiencing what psychologists call a defense mechanism. His mind, anxious about something far more serious—the fear that his chuppah wouldn’t happen at all—had disguised that fear as unlikely but tangible worries.
We sat down with a professional, who helped Shlaini assign probabilities to each worry:
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Flat tire: 1% chance
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Storm: 2% chance
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Blackout: 1% chance
And so on. He realized the odds of all these unlikely events happening at once were tiny. Shlaini’s mind had compounded the fear until it felt like 633%, even though logically it couldn’t happen.
Even after this exercise, Shlaini was still anxious. So I gave him a small exercise: I bought a raffle ticket and told him, “If you can’t sleep worrying about unlikely events, at least let yourself imagine something small going right.”
Finally, the Mishgir, the yeshiva’s spiritual mentor, gave him the ultimate lesson:
“Shlaini, your worry is about 150 things. But there is only one question: Hashem has decreed the exact moment of your chuppah. Nothing can change that timing. Flat tires, storms, or any other worries cannot prevent what Hashem has designated. Your job is to prepare, be hopeful, and trust. Focus on the Mitzvah of the day, not on the chuppah itself.”
Shlaini understood. He went on to marry on time—even though, on the way, a flat tire actually happened. Everything else was taken care of, as it was always meant to be.
The Bigger Lesson
Years later, Shlaini faced a serious illness. Though Baruch Hashem he went into remission, every three months he had to return to the doctor. Each time, the fear would creep back. But he reflected on what the Mishgir taught him as a young man:
The seemingly impossible or irrational fear he had about his chuppah wasn’t meaningless. It was training—a spiritual “vaccine” to strengthen his faith and resilience.
Life, like that yeshiva story, is full of unknowns. The Torah calls this world Olam HaUnknown—a place of uncertainty. Our job is not to control every outcome but to navigate the unknown with faith, focus on our Mitzvot, and trust that Hashem orchestrates the big picture.
The fears and crises we face prepare us for greater challenges and teach us how to rely on Hashgacha, Divine Providence. Just as Shlaini learned to trust the timing of his chuppah, we are called to trust in Hashem’s timing for every aspect of our lives.
When the world feels uncertain, the mitzvah, the preparation, the hope—that is where our power lies.
If you like, I can also condense this into a short 4–5 minute story version that keeps the humor and suspense but is perfect for a speech or video. It would highlight the flat tire, the probabilities, and the Mishgir’s wisdom in a punchy, memorable way.